Before I took a week off, I jokingly said on Facebook that we may have a “Being Huzzkins” blog by the end of it. We have a problem of turning jokes into reality – and here’s the guest post! Ah, this guy. He’s actually the best.
Benji has his own blog over at BenjiAlpha. So head on over and say hi!
I got to be a stay at home dad for a couple of days recently, as Wifekins was having her wisdom teeth removed. I made some observations. Some are things I already knew, but the reality of living them really brings it home. And bear in mind I still had Wifekins there, she was just in a lot of pain. World of respect to all the single parents out there. Sometimes I think this is more than a two person job.
1. Your day starts when the first child wakes up, and ends when the last one goes to sleep.
Intuitively I knew this, but the reality hits you when you do your first 18 hour shift. I was always sympathetic to wifekins need to wind down after getting the last one to bed, but I’d never felt that need before. Until now. Even when you’re not actively engaging, you’re actively parenting. Trying to remember when you last changed a nappy or convinced a toddler to poo. Keeping an eye out for danger, either by agency of stray objects, or one child against another or themselves. Feeding them, entertaining them, judging the safety of them entertaining themselves, keeping track of how quickly they have figured out how to move in the last 24 hours. Remembering where you put them. Stopping them fighting each other – and sleep – and the pram. There is a lot going on. Plus you want to leave a tidy house for your partner to come home to or in this case return to full duties in.
2. Kids consciously love television, but it unconsciously turns them into monsters.
Seriously, it is all they want to do, but it makes them rage. You turn it off – they rage. Make them change the channel – they rage. Suggest the fact that they are running around in another room means they are not watching – they double rage. I don’t know if it is to do with attention spans, or just that the human brain isn’t made for processing this kind of input, but I have certainly learnt something about the negative effects of screen time while being Huzzkins.
3. Why don’t babies sleep?
And why are children perpetual motion machines? Has anyone ever checked them for secret fusion reactors?
4. I am capable of doing a three child outing by myself
On Good Friday morning, I took the kids to a church function at the vicar’s house – and it is still standing. I even got to talk to someone I have seldom spoken to, as she offered to hold baby Juju. I like to think Smashpants Ragington added a realistic chaotic ambiance to the passion story. I should have trained him to cookie monster shout ‘crucify him!’. Maybe next year.
5. I need to take two shopping lists.
Just in case Smash needs one. Yes, needs. I cannot imagine a three store shop. Also, Aldi two days before Easter is not the greatest place for anxiety. Also, when you are a beginner shopping parent, do not let babies have sentimentally important toys.
I have a week of holidays now, so I get another go a being stay at home huzzkins.