Here’s a little honesty for your Wednesday morning: I’m struggling.
Not in the “oh it will get better / kids are always hard work / just rest while you can” kind of struggle either. It’s deep, it’s constant and it’s slowly shredding my sanity. Before we jump to conclusions – this has nothing to do with my marriage or my kids. Sure, family life is strained at the moment; however I have no desire to change our unit.
Something else is missing. We feel that we’re being called elsewhere – but where is that? Is that even a real place, or are we just pushing our own fantasies onto our faith? Of course we’re being called to Christ – but how does that look in day-to-day life? And boy it’s hard to turn when you’re stuck!
These are all things I need to wrestle out privately and share the journey another time. For now I’m tired. I’m deeply sad. I’m lost. I’m struggling.
And I’m well aware I’m being a massive downer.
So for now I’m off to down approximately 20 cups of coffee and do a little reading.
Later I’ll share some of the things that inspire me. There’s some pretty rad stuff out in that big beautiful world; I need to remember that more often.